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How to Recondition a Nervous System Damaged by Abandonment

Abandonment is a primal fear embedded deep into your nervous system that can create a very harsh mental torment.

Do you ever have a fear of being abandoned? If you answer yes this blog will be extremely supportive to you as i share my 4 steps to recondition your nervous system.

Abandonment is a primal fear embedded deep into your nervous system that can create a very harsh mental torment.

And it's sooo harsh because it hits hards on one of our biggest concerns as human beings....

....loneliness and loneliness mean we will be isolated.

I generally see this in clients who have dysregulated nervous systems.

Now the nervous abandonment system fears only exist when there is a lack of safety in the body.

Because believe it or not, our quest is always for safety, and safety is gained through our capacity and ability to co-regulate with others, and to be in contact with others.

So this abandonment fear in the nervous system creates this chain reaction of triggers in your everyday life.

Let's go back to childhood, we needed to be safely connected to another human being to survive, and so our nervous systems longed to be in connection with another nervous system.

If this need isn't met early in childhood, there is a fear that is held in the nervous system of being alone.

And so, when someone comes along and offers connection, we feel that offer of another nervous system to regulate with and either respond too intensely or disregard the offer.

Ever get really needy?

Checking your phone for a message, needing to know what someone is doing 24/7?

This is your nervous system sensing a threat, trying to cling to some safety.

And what happens is the other person's nervous system sense's your danger signals, so you can often scare them off.

So next time your feel your abandonment wound being triggered, stop and ask yourself:

"What message is my nervous system sending out right now?"

Flip seats, and be the person on the other end of your nervous system signals.

Now let's have a reframe.

Dropping that monkey mind story of:

" No one like's me",


'' Ah ok, my nervous system is dysregulated and as I learn to

regulate it people will be queuing up outside to be in connection with me!''

If your energy is too hot, it can act as a repellant to others. Too cold, and it can make them seem uninterested and self-protective.

What we want is a kind of vibe that feels "just right."

So how do you get there….

….here’s my 4 starter steps to recovering your nervous system.

  1. Map out how your nervous system is operating right now.

  2. Go deep into the subconscious mind through breathwork to see how childhood abandonment traumas have affected your sense of safety. (DO NOT TRY THIS ALONE - you really need expert guidance with this one).

  3. I've witnessed pendualation breathwork as the most effective way to stabilise the nervous system. This means allowing the nervous system to express through its sensations the abandonment fear locked in and consciously using your mind to support your body to ground back into feelings of what it's like to feel safe within the nervous system.

  4. Reclaiming a strong sense of self is essential for clients who struggle with abandonment. I find this most effective through somatic psychotherapy.

It isn't an overnight job I'm afraid to say.

It's consistent rewiring over a more extended period, smaller practices repeatedly, and you have to be committed.

If you want to journey through this with me (every one of my clients feeds back that I feel very safe, which is the highest possible compliment I could have as a therapist), then there are several ways to do this.

Safe sensations sprinkling your way,


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