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The Art Of Repairing Your Family Dynamic


So many issues or blockages in our life's come from our relationship with our parents/caretakers.

Children tend to walk away feeling wounded, damaged, hurt or unexpressed due to how their parents raised them.

True healing only happens with your physical family when you have integrated your own wounds and learnt how to care for your needs yourself.

As a child, you need unconditional safety, love and respect, and when you don't get it, there's a deep-embedded desire to because if you didn't get it as a child, you might die (if you needed food as a baby and your parents did not give it to you, you might have died).

So there is a real intensity to these deep unmet needs from our caretakers.

We often get stuck in this dynamic of wanting to heal it through our parents as we believe this would be the ultimate release but the whole reason we're carrying all that wounding in the first place is that those people generally aren't capable of doing that.

Sometimes parents age, and they learn, and you can have a fantastic healing conversation and change a dynamic with your parents, but that is rare.

You can't rely on it, so you can be open to your family changing, but you never want to rely on them to change or transform for you to get what you want, to heal your wounds, and to liberate yourself.

If your nervous system is living from a mature adult perspective, you don't necessarily expect to have your needs unconditionally met by your caretakers.

It's an evolved, mature way of looking at needs.

So everything that your family gave you, from the incredible love and care and safety to the abuse or trauma or neglect or pain, I invite you to see all of this as a gift.

Because you can use it to set yourself free.

You can use it to uncover who you really are inside.

And so we want to approach your family dynamic not as this story of excuses for how you are in this lifetime but as this opportunity to set yourself free.

Now I see in my client practice, and with my own experience, that there is often a grieving process, a time when your inner child gives up hope that needs to take place on the journey to liberation. This is letting go of the expectation that your parents give you the love, support, and respect you always craved.

It is fucking awesome when you get to that place of letting go because you open the space to having your needs met by creating your own inner parent and from the supporting energy of the universe, the divine, God, whoever is your universal support.

This is where the lifelong transformation occurs.

Now, when you have created the neuronal patterns, behaviours, and habits that align with your original self (that self before you were influenced by your parents), you can then meet your family as they are.

Suppose you want a truly amazing relationship with your mother or father, brothers, sisters, or anyone you grew up with. In that case, you must do the inner work to repair the dynamic yourself internally because then you can meet them from a whole new space.

As long as you meet your family of origin, from your inner child's needs and wants and pains, you're just going to be creating the same drama, the same dynamic over and over again, because those are the same people that weren't able to meet those needs in the first place.

Liberating the family dynamic is at the core of my work and where I see everybody's issues stem from.

It's essential to do more than just work through this mentally if you want long-lasting results. Your nervous system also needs repair, which I why I work therapeutically with breathwork and give clients regular practice with rewiring.

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