The Narcissistic Mother Wound
Do you find yourself asking:
Why do I feel unloveable?
Why do I never feel good enough?
Why do I feel so empty?
Why do I always doubt myself?
You could be living with the narcissistic mother wound. You can take the quiz below to find out if your mother or caretaker had a narcissistic tendency.
For many years my life was burdened by a voice lodged in my head that always told me I wasn't good enough and needed to achieve more.
My internal critics were saying highly evil things.
Every time I looked in the mirror, they told me, "you're ugly."
They would snap at me when I approached buyers for the product in my business, "No one's going to want to buy your designs. You're not qualified enough.
It didn't matter how hard I tried. Nothing was ever good enough.
And because this was consistent daily input, I believed that everyone else around me was judging me just the same.
One day I woke up and couldn't take anymore. These inner critics were wrecking me. I decided something had to change, or I wanted out of this world. It wasn't worth living this way.
I was high achieving on an external success level but inside of me the list of symptoms was extreme:
Lack of confidence
Over sensitivity
Extremely self-conscious
Lack of self-belief
A deliberating sense of insecurity
And consistent ill health
After my journey of healing and working with thousands of clients, I realised this corrupted self-portrayal and obscene self-doubt that haunted our adult lives where we never felt enough had its roots in our female parents' or caretakers' narcissist tendencies.
I realised that there are mothers who are so self-absorbed and emotionally immature that they cannot give their daughters the much-needed unconditional love to their daughters.
During that year of desperation to heal, I uncovered that my sense of insecurity was due to the lack of cherishing compassionate, sensitive love during my childhood from my mother.
Now I don't blame my mother. Her insecurity and inability to nuture was learnt from her childhood experience with her mother, which got passed down the line.
When we don't receive emotional nurturing, we grow up with a lack of self-belief and a sense of safety in our nervous systems and minds, and we are luckily in an era now with the knowledge and tools to shift this.
I have many clients who don't have fulfilling relationships, and when we get to the bottom of this, it's due to the imprinted belief of "If my own mother can't love me, then who can?" Their nervous system doesn't hold three fundamental factors for a thriving life: love, safety and belonging.
This plays out in so many different dynamics, from being unable to receive love and avoiding relationships altogether to staying in long-term 'simply just functioning' relationships.
And I see many of us who grew up with narcissistic mothers turning to our careers in an attempt to compensate for the 'not loveable' message.
I'm happy to report this is all resolvable, and obliterating those harsh critics to make space for your self-belief dream team supporters can quickly become your new reality.
I'm happy to report this is all resolvable, and obliterating those harsh critics to make space for your self-belief dream team supporters can quickly become your new reality.
I have now committed myself to supporting others to understand the root causes of their inner critics so they can take self-responsibility for providing their nervous systems the nurturing they need to heal and recover from the narcissistic mother wound.
If you are wondering if your mother had narcissistic traits and want to know the steps to recover take the questionnaire over here.