Narcissistic Mother Traits Quiz
(Adapted from Karyl McBride)
and the steps to recovery
Even if your mother or caretaker only had a few of these traits, I have seen it affect sons and daughters negatively.
Count all the numbers that apply to your past or present experience with your mother or caretaker.
1. Does your mother lack empathy for your feelings?
2. Have you consistently felt a lack of emotional closeness with your mother?
3. Does your mother deny her own feelings?
4. When you talk about your life issues with your mother, does she shift the discussion to talk about herself instead?
5. Is your mother overly concerned about what her friends, family, colleagues, or neighbours think?
6. Do you feel unaccepted by your mother?
7. Do you feel your mother knows the real you?
8. When you discuss your feelings with your mother, does she try to top them with her own feelings and belittle yours?
9. Do you feel valued by your mother for what you do rather than for who you are?
10. Do you feel your mother is jealous of you?
11. Were you your mother's emotional support as a child?
12. Did you have to take care of your mother's physical needs as a child?
13. Does your mother only support those things you do that reflect on her as a good mother?
14. Have you consistently questioned whether or not your mother likes you or loves you?
15. Does your mother react with how it will affect her rather than how you feel?
16. Does your mother blame things on you or others rather than take responsibility for her feelings or actions?
17. Do others easily hurt your mother?
18. Does she hold a long grudge without resolving or talking over the problem?
19. Do you feel you were a slave to your mother?
20. Do you feel you were responsible for your mother's ailments or sickness, headaches, stress illness?
21. Do you feel your mother is critical of you?
22. Do you feel helpless in the presence of your mother?
23. Are you often shamed by your mother?
24. Does your mother act as the world should revolve around her?
25. Do you find it challenging to be a separate person from your mother?
26. Does your mother want to control your choices?
27. Does your mother swing from egotistical to depressed in mood?
28. Does your mother appear fake to you?
29. Do you feel manipulated in the presence of your mother?
30. Does your mother act like a victim?
31. Does your mother make you act differently from how you really feel?
32. Does your mother compete with you?
33. Does your mother always have things her way?
Please note all of these questions relate to narcissistic traits.
The more questions you said yes to, the more likely your mother has narcissistic traits, and the more this has likely caused difficulty as a child that could now be showing up in adult life.
This often shows up as:
Lack of confidence
Lack of self-care and guilt if you do give yourself self-care
Difficulties maintaining healthy, fulfilling relationships
Becoming a high achiever
Numbing the pain with addiction
Staying stuck in a self-destructive lifestyle
Failing at love
Working with recovery isn't a quick fix. It's not just one breathwork session or plant medicine ceremony.
It is deeply rooted and has many multi-faceted processes that need addressing over a more extended period for lasting results.
Here's an overview of the method I've used to have witnessed the most remarkable recovery celebrations.
Get support from an expert to gain a mental understanding of how the behaviour of your mother has affected you.
Approach the nervous system wounding
You can do all the talk therapy which is helpful, but it often doesn't get to the deep-seated trauma your nervous system holds. So deep dive guided breathwork sessions support you in understanding and feeling the impact this has had on your nervous system.
Reprogram your nervous system for safety
If your nervous system does not feel safe, it will do everything to avoid what needs to be addressed.
This is an essential part of healing, and if you don't get the proper support for anchoring safety, it's often too hard for your nervous system to access the painful feelings that need to be unearthed.
Mobilise the nervous system wounding
Find out where the root cause of these traumas is being held physically in the body, allow the body to express itself physically and begin to mobilise the repressed expression. This can take time. Everyone's nervous systems work differently, but if you have had a difficult childhood, there is often a lot that needs to move.
Have your expression
If you have never had the opportunity to express your true thoughts and feelings to your mother, then your body and mind must complete this process. This is primarily done on an energetic basis through deep embodiment work.
Reframe and rewire impactful damaging experiences
After the VAST experience in my practice, I now guide clients to reframe specific traumatic memories, rewriting the damaging impact trauma left by certain events on their nervous system, which brings them back to a space of empowerment. Please make sure you do this with someone with a lot of experience, as it is essential you don't get re-traumatised.
Letting go of trying to get your childhood needs to be met through your mother often requires a grieving period.
Accept your mother's limitations
Reparent yourself and provide the empowering messages you needed to hear as a child to thrive fully. Reprogram your nervous system with the sensations of these messages from contraction to expansion.
Find who you really are!
Who are you beneath all your mother's conditioning? This is an exciting one.
Approach your mother in a different healthy way
Recognise what narcissistic traits you have gained and work through them, so you don't pass them down the line!!!
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